Hindsight 2020 Vision Board!
Wildfires in Utah make for a beautiful crescent red moon.
But I can’t see the mountains.
WOW! Today was such a stressful and fretful day. I came home from work last night to find my little fatty’s ear had swollen with some kind of huge cyst or abscess. I took her to the vet this morning and had to worry all day.
I finally spoke to the vet, who diagnosed an aural hematoma. He couldn’t explain why she got it; She had no signs of former ear infection, which often is found to be the trigger. Ultimately, it will cost me nearly a thousand dollars. Oy! *sigh*
While I was on the phone with the vet, I got a call from an unknown number. I returned the call immediately upon hanging up to learn that the nurse from my dermatologist’s office had gone home already, having closed the office early that day.
Sure enough, she’d left a voicemail. But here’s the thing: I had a little bad patch of skin removed from my hand 2 weeks ago. The doctor didn’t think it was anything to worry about. Neither did I. Just figured, at midlife, it’s time to start that maintenance. He said he’d call if there was any cause for concern, not expecting there would be.
I clarified, “Okay, so you’re sending this to the lab and when I don’t hear from you, I don’t need to call panicking, ‘I had this thing biopsied and I never heard back…'”
“No. We’ll call you if it’s anything to be concerned about.” So this chick leaves me a message at the end of her day and leaves me to worry ALL NIGHT LONG about what the hell she was calling to tell me.
So then I reframe it. “Okay, Christie. It’s an opportunity to practice patience. You don’t have a choice, so just be.” I took a breath. “Anyway, it’s nothing. It’s probably something clerical or stupid, in which case it’s an opportunity to prepare to treat the caller with respect when you finally reach her, even though she created unnecessary worry for you.” (It’s not administrative. Otherwise, an administrative person would have called.)
In any case, it is what it is and I get to sit in the not knowing all night. Okay. I called my mom. We ended up having a lovely conversation. We’ve been speaking more and more the last couple of months. It’s been nice.Today, especially so.
I picked up my little fat kitty cat from the vet, and as I sat waiting for the cab I noticed the door of the pet hospital: “Hours: Mon.-Sat. 7-7, 7-7, 7-7, 7-7, 7-7, 7-7.”
Oh my goodness! It’s 7-7!
Oh my god! It’s Christine’s birthday! She was apprehended and questioned by the police, on her birthday, for the physical assault that occurred two days prior as I tried to escape last year. I was happy they were located and hauled in at all, but especially that it happened on her birthday. I knew there were no consequences beyond that. I’m sure the whole inconvenience took no more than an hour. All I wanted was for her to know that she did not get away with it.
I know who you are. What you did was wrong, and you know it, too. Christine loved that her birthday was 7.7.72. The reason for my visit last year was to celebrate our friendship one last time before finally phasing her out. She didn’t know my plan. I intended to celebrate her with one last round of blind drunkenness, and move on. You can’t get wasted enough to enjoy her company anymore, and I just wasn’t going to feel guilty about it any longer.
We were party girls together, Chrissy Squared. We were disgusting, the most obnoxious 20-somethings and beyond. She grew up in Salt Lake, but never lived here since I met her. She visited, often, and we had friends in common.
Of course, I saw the changes over real time, but I could keep up. I’m a drinker. Everyone has a friend you have to be drunk to enjoy anymore, so I joined her when she was in town. When I drink, I’m all in, still, and I’m perfectly aware of how obnoxious I am. Together, we were obscene. We had so much fun!
She’s not obnoxious now. She’s deranged. Violent, incoherent, out of control.
She harangued me for years to join her abroad. At last I agreed, knowing I’d be drunk around the clock, and then finished with her. With love. The end of a season. Good-bye, dear friend, now lost in alcoholism that took a different turn from mine.
My intentions were good, but I’m not in control either. I shouldn’t have gone.
I’m so grateful to be home and healing, continuing to learn. My family is getting better, stronger. My new boundaries are protecting me. I still feel a lot of pain and sorrow for the difficulty we experience(d) as a profoundly ill family, especially as I watch the trauma become more disruptive for one of my dear brothers. I think he’ll have a lifelong journey with Depression and anger, and so far I don’t have a lot of confidence that he’ll even look at it as something to recover from and live with.
But things are good.
My angels greet me now and then through numbers, and I don’t care if believing that makes me nutty. 🙂 Sometimes it’s just a little nod, a hello, but I’ve never got one like SEVEN sets of SEVEN in a row! What a reminder to take stock and express gratitude. Thank you, angels!Wow. I got a new follower moments after publishing this post. I checked out her site and right there on the front page was a post called A Copper Penny In Your Eyes.
Pennies became one of the first symbols of angel communication for me. I asked my Grandpa [after his passing] to send pennies, and he did! I was practically knocked out by pennies from heaven, there were so many the first five years or so. It’s less frequent now, and less personal. I don’t feel his energy, exactly, every time. It’s just a smiley face each time I see one now, but after the connection I felt this afternoon, I can’t help but find it to be a confirmation of the day I had and the feelings it inspired.
All is well. “Cuddle doon, me bairney,” Grandpa used to say. It’s a Scottish poem.
The author of the poem I found today used pennies to represent the low regard shown by a false friend. Nevertheless, my meaning for pennies remains untarnished and the poem itself is quite profound and well-written, about honoring oneself and drawing on courage to stand tall in the truth of who you are. (A timely nod after my reminder of Spain today, and confirmation that I did well to leave my own false friend.)
Fatty’s surgery is slated for SEVEN SEVENteen at SEVEN a.m.
I don’t make this stuff up.
(For those of you keeping track, that SEVENteen SEVENS in a row.)
“The repeating Angel Number 7 indicates for you to keep up the great work you’ve been doing of late. Your angels are telling you that you are on the right life path and that you will find that things of a positive nature will flow freely for you. Your job is to maintain your momentum and enthusiasm, with the highest outcomes for all in focus.
Angel Number 777 is a positive sign and means that you should expect miracles to occur in your life.”
I love this site by Joanne Sacred Scribes. I don’t remember when I first found it, but I just love it! 77777777777777777! http://sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com/
THE YEAR OF THE ANSWER IS WORKING! 42! (7×6, like the wall of the vet clinic. 🙂 )
Mid-life is kind and difficult and funny and strange and wonderful and MIRACULOUS!
by Martha Postlewaite
Do not try to save the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life
and wait there patiently,
until the song that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
I danced that year with girls a grade higher than me in school. All year we prepared for the big recital in May. My favorite number was the tap dance. We were sailors, in little blue pleated skirts and matching vests, which our mothers made, worn over a white, sequined leotard. It was topped off with a sailor cap, but the best part was the big red bows on my shiny black tap shoes.
I loved those big red bows!
The big night finally arrived. I was smack dab in the center of the front row. And mom forgot my big red bows.
I was so upset!
“If you wear your biggest smile, no one will see your feet,” she promised.
I was so mad!
Of course they’d see my feet! It was TAP! Did she think I was stupid? What difference did a smile make to my shoes? I was going to be a fool, and it was all her fault!
“Just smile,” she instructed me again, “and no one will notice.”
I would never forgive her, I vowed, as Teacher readied us offstage. I walked into those bright lights near tears and shaking.
The strangest thing happened. I heard my mother’s voice and I smiled, cautiously at first. The music began, and I smiled more. I loved that dance! I loved everything about it. I loved the music. I loved the sound my tap shoes made. I loved my costume.
My smile grew.
Then I saw something, two women on the front row leaning into one another, grinning from ear to ear, looking at me. They were smiling at me! I couldn’t help it, I smiled bigger. And bigger and bigger!
They started giggling, and so did I! I’ll be damned if my feet didn’t grow wings that day. Red bows would have weighed them down.