My hometown


On and off for 30 years I’ve wondered, “Who changed the ‘R’ on the water tower to spell Sexburg, and WHY didn’t I get a picture?!”

Today, an old classmate posted a pic on Facebook of some new scrawl that reads, “Save Ferris.” The young ones still tag the highest peak in town, it seems, with a reverential nod to their parents, no less. Beuller is timeless, true, but he belongs to us. He was our charming, delightfully naughty peer.

I scrolled down the comments for ownership of Sexburg – I knew it would be there – and there it was! The shot I’ve wanted for years! Apparently, it made the paper.

In Rexburg, high temperatures made cover stories (featuring my cute little 2-yr.-old brother). While the water tower was certainly big news, I would think Rexburg too prudish to gratify graffitists with a pictorial. More shocking still was learning that it remained unrepaired for nearly a year. I don’t remember that. Finally, some woman complained to the Standard Journal. That sounds right.

So there you have it: Sexburg, Idaho. My pent-up, horny, abstinence-only hometown. Pretty funny for a Mormon village. “I wish I believed in God,” I often say. “That’s one fine, omniscient sense of humor.”

Here in His holiest city, we have Tshirts that read “SLUT,” for Salt Lake, UT. You just can’t make this stuff up! It’s one of my favorite things, that Mecca and its sacrosanct ‘burg were ripe for such wicked, delicious pun.


MoTabs Betray Lack of Morals in Mormon Leadership

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir is singing at his inauguration. I’m so angry.


Fine, do it. But get off that fucking high horse. Your voices reach the stratosphere, but your morals are in the gutter. Don’t even pretend anymore!mormon-tabernacle-choir-750

(I have this belief that he wanted the Mormons to sing for him as a way of forcing naysayers to worship at the altar of Trump. But, then, how Utah voted… we really can’t call ourselves naysayers, now, can we?)

(It’s more likely that no one else said yes. Ask the Mormons! They’ll call it a chance to spread the good word, and stick their tongues right up his asshole!)

Who better to herald a racist than a religion that refused to give black members full status, until threatened with loss of tax-exemption? Who better to honor a misogynist than a religion that sees women as little more than vessels? Who can mark the reign of a pedophile rapist like a church with a legacy of forced child brides? Who else could represent a power-hungry, money-grubbing bully like the wealthiest religion in the U.S., that keeps a political, ideological stranglehold on an entire population?

If nothing else, The MoTabs enter his immutable blandness into history. Is there a human being in the world with less groove? I mean, if you’re going to be a despot, at least be cool. Unfit, unready, petulant, vitriolic, stupid!, BANAL.

Click here  to petition The Mormon Tabernacle Choir to decline Inaugural invitation (and to read a lovely treatise written by a person of conscience, who illustrates the feeling of many decent people in that religious body).

Click here to read about the courageous, principled singer who resigned from the choir! Thank you, Jan Chamberlin! You’ve restored so much faith and pride to me.