Graduation

growth
This blog has served its purpose. I am worthy. It just happened. I’m still rather in shock. I’m certain I didn’t believe this transformation would ever take place. Instead, I expected to search and grow and learn for the rest of my life, which, of course, I will. But I’m worthy. I’m not trying to feel worthy. You know how it is when intellectual knowledge doesn’t match emotional truth. It does now. It was overnight. I suppose it was over 2 weeks in Spain. I’m grateful for the friend who attacked me. I was almost clinical about her brutality and chaos. At once, I released the need to demystify it. I don’t care, and I don’t need to. I have understanding and empathy for it, but no interest in it. Choose out, or don’t. I’m done.

I drew upon a strength and dignity I didn’t know I had. Or, I guess I did; I just hadn’t successfully applied it yet. For all of adulthood, I’ve bemoaned the many failures to stay above the fray, my repeated decision to return slight for slight. In Spain, I did everything right. My friend sought to injure and wound me nearly every day. I never mirrored her behavior. I didn’t tolerate it, either. I was firm. I insisted that she respect my boundaries. She didn’t. Still, I wouldn’t match her hatred. The last thing I said as I escaped her at the Hard Rock Hotel in Ibiza was “I don’t hate you.” It’s the first time in my life I didn’t respond to cruelty, disappointment, heartache, betrayal, or any manner of difficult emotion without hatred. “I don’t hate you.”

“I DON’T CARE!” she screamed, still hitting and scratching me.

I grabbed her wrist and met her eye! “I don’t hate you.”

I walked away.

I am filled with light and love. I’ve created and maintained a remarkable Chosen Family of beautiful, powerful, strange, delicious people who love me, themselves, all life, and the world. I am love, and the second I landed on home soil I walked into love. My life has been here all along. I’m finally in it, now. I LOVE MY LIFE.

¡Estoy bendecida! I am blessed!
http://dreamermadwoman.blogspot.com/2014/07/spain-y-ibiza-2014.htmlsenseless dramakarmalet no man

Red Hedy

Since our show is divided into 2 casts (I perform Monday/ Wednesday/ Friday), my crew has taken to calling me Red Hedy. The originator rather sheepishly asked during Hell Week if that was okay with me. I couldn’t be more delighted! I learned that she’d named me before we even knew which cast was which, when she expressed to friends, “I hope we get Red Hedy!” That’s a huge compliment and a great laugh! Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger! 🙂 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN_0qvuhhw

And here I am. And here he is. I have a huge chin and cheesy-ass grin, but every girl deserves to have a boy look at her like that. dave n me

Work Conversation

I got the phone call. I can see why her patients and families love her so much. With that lilting Irish accent she told me, “I’m here with John Doe, but he’s not here with me. He’s floating on angel’s wings above us.” I assured her I’d text the team. “I got here at 3:15,” she said, “so we’ll say 3:00. He liked neat, even things. He died at 3 o’clock.”