Wow. I’m still buzzing in the high of release. I asked myself last night, “At what point am I just rehearsing the script?” Well, from here on out. I’d never written it! For me, there’s catharsis in the tangible. It came out of my fingers; I saw it with my eyes. And it’s gone! Now I stop telling the story.
I don’t need to forgive my sister’s husband. I don’t care about him. He’s her family, not mine. It’s actually a relief. I never again expect myself to consider his humanity or success. I did that for twenty years. I don’t have to anymore.
Mom is forgiven. I understand. I only love her.
My dad, well, I could record the moments I knew he moved me into “step” status – Particularly appalling was yet another hypothetical I failed – but I won’t. I didn’t accept it until the Christmas I just wrote about. Now I do. He’s not a hate-monger. He’s just narrow-minded. He’s a good man. He and my mom are their own quiet brand of happy.
I accept that I will never “graduate.” There’s a freedom in giving up. I’ll breathe it in when it sucks, and exhale confidence that it won’t someday. Who knew I was Buddhist?!
Happy Anniversary, indeed! Thanks, worldwide web. And there’s more reason to celebrate: Mississippi outlawed slavery this week.