I Forgot Again!

I locked my keys in the car for a second time in 3 weeks!

At least there’s a method to my madness, irritating though it may be. It took a second lockout to get it. Having been chauffeured for the last decade, I only had to worry about throwing down gas money and not how to get back in the car.

Whenever I go camping, hiking, anywhere I don’t want to carry my purse, I have to take special care to see keys in hand when I lock up. I stopped at Crystal Hot Springs yesterday on my way home from Idaho and didn’t think of getting back in the car until I took a few steps and decided to go back for lip balm. Doh!

The locksmith was quick and cheap – and covered by insurance – so I wasn’t delayed too long getting into the highest mineral content waters in the world. Aaah…

****

It was such a great visit! My nephews are the cutest! I played for 2 days straight with the 2-year-old, and cuddled the 1-year-old during movies I hadn’t seen in decades, “Monsters, Inc.” and “Finding Nemo.”

I’m pretty sure the neighbors were glad when I left. I brought my drums. 🙂

My sister and 2 nieces were there. They’re always fun to tease and the little boys adore them. I love my family when Melanie’s husband isn’t around.

While we colored eggs, my dad and brother got talking politics in a nearby room (i.e. denigrating Democrats and the President). “Obama is an amazing leader…” I hollered, “who would serve this country and the world in ways you couldn’t imagine if the Republicans wouldn’t block him at every turn just for the sake of tanking his Presidency!” [and who has accomplished great things in spite of their efforts]

They razzed me with no acrimony and my niece asked, incredulous, “You like Obama?”

“I absolutely do!”

During clean-up, I found a forgotten egg. Dark as the dye could stain, it emerged clear as day – no need for adjustment, a message arose from the ether – “Obama blows.” I belly-laughed, hard, and praised my brother’s forbearance.

“I could never hold out that long for pay off. Well done!”

****

Obama rocks.

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I Forgot

I went hiking on Antelope Island, the largest in the Great Salt Lake, and locked my keys in the car! I was cursing having congratulated myself for making it 6 months without incident in my Little Hyundai, “And the very next day I lock the keys in the car! On an island!”

“Wait,” my friend reminded me. “Didn’t you crash into a toilet in the street?”

Oh, crap.

My roommate upgraded our bathrooms months ago and placed the old thrones curbside. They would have been removed by days’ end. One was, but I demolished the other.

I think I’m not the best driver.

chukar

Keith Miller, photographer (my cousin)

Jojo Dancer

My little sister-friend got married and moved to Germany last Fall, so I bought her car 6 months ago today. Here’s the report on my ugly little Hyundai Accent named Jojo Dancer, after her previous owner.

She had 128,001 miles the day I bought her. I’ve added 3,147, averaging 29.6 miles to the gallon. She hasn’t had a hiccup. Or a bath.

I gained 15-20 lbs within months of leaving the bus-n-bike lifestyle. (Until New Years, I only learned my exact weight at doctor’s appointments, but I know where I hover.) Of course, now that I’ve added yoga I’m down 8 lbs, and I’m seeing muscles I never had before. Wee!

Speaking of yoga, and the fresh confrontation with pain I’ve been negotiating this year, I remembered something random the other day. In a Spanish class in college, we had to stand and introduce ourselves: name, age, what I’m like, what I fear.

“Me llamo Christie. Nunca pregunte a mujer su edad. Soy hablante. Tengo miedo de dolor.” I’m Christie. Never ask a lady her age. I’m talkative. I’m afraid of pain.

“Well, yeah,” the professor dismissed me. “Everyone’s afraid of pain.”

“No, like phobic. I have knots in my stomach just thinking about it. I’m not afraid of dying; I just don’t want it to hurt.”

I used to say to my best friend growing up, “At least if I have to cry the tears of the damned, I have a strong body that doesn’t hurt.”

How could I have forgotten that pain was my biggest fear? I’m living my biggest fear! I once went to a psychic who said, “Oh, that’s interesting. You came to see how much you could stand.”

“K?”

“You push everything as far as you can, just to see how much you can take. Start to look at your life that way and see what you find.”

I do! The will I/(probably)won’t I of motherhood. The (non)career/low-income life I’ve chosen. The abusive/devaluing relationships. I thought The Unmarriables were a result of my upbringing, feeling abandoned, unworthy of love, unable to love and be loved. But, being an imaginative mystic myself these days, I follow it further. I think I chose my childhood and family – possibly to see how much I can stand.

I believe in reincarnation. In my last between-life phase I examined what I learned in the life I just left in the context of the lives that came before it, and looked at what I wanted to conquer in the next, to learn and accomplish, to see, to feel.

I think I came here for exactly what I got. I came to discover my strength. In the context of community (i.e. I couldn’t be dropped in the wild and make it), I can do anything. It’s crazy to have such confidence, but nothing can crush me. I’m tough as hell. What’s to fear?

I even think I chose to come up in an extremely religious culture. Those are some serious eternal consequences to contend with! And it isn’t easy to be shunned and shamed.

So much of my time is freed, not scrambling for survival. I get to explore, wonder, play, find, relax, love, dream, laugh.

If I’m honest, I’m kinda bitter to have both the psychological trauma of my childhood and early adulthood and now the physical pain of mid-life and beyond (which terrifies me). However, I would say to my best friend today, “At least if I have to suffer the pains of the damned, I’m not emotionally tortured anymore.”

She say’s I’m a Fucking PollyAnna, always finding the silver-lining, but don’t mess. 🙂
happiness

The Jig Is Up!

The jig is up! I’m staying in Utah! It’s obvious now that I was manipulating an opportunity for my friends to beg me not to go. (None did.) (Bastards.) A year ago on Facebook, I started my LIVE LOVE SLC campaign as a good-bye to the city I’ve loved for 20 years. The result was a year of enriching cultural activities that I always mean to do but say I don’t have enough money when the time comes. Generally, we enjoyed inexpensive things but we splurged on some really worthwhile occasions, as well, and I’m so happy we did. At the end of one year, I have more memories, the same amount of hangovers, and no more or less money than if I’d missed out.

I’d planned to save massive amounts of money on rent near family in Idaho, and travel travel travel. I could get any old job. I’ve always had any old job. Instead, I accidentally fell into a temp position that was clearly the perfect fit for my office and for me, and they offered it to me right away, permanently. I took my time to commit, until I could secure a situation here that will meet my needs and goals. And now I have. I can drive a couple of hours to see my kin, cuz the last of my 3 best girlfriends is leaving Salt Lake (for Germany!) and I’m buying her car.

I hoped to take the bus-and-bike lifestyle to a decade, but I’m satisfied with 9 years. I’m pleased with my contribution to less congestion in the air and on the ground. I’m excited to visit my grandma, who just turned 89, and my new baby nephews – only a year apart! – back home. I’m excited for road trips and music festivals. I’m excited to hike! I’m excited for freedom and convenience, and I hope I don’t get fat. I lost 20 lbs 9 years ago, by accident of peddling.

I’m excited to stay. I thought the presence of Idaho State University would give Pocatello the community education opportunities I so love about Salt Lake City, but there was nothing. It’s too bad. Could be a charming town.

I get to continue djembe! Since African has become too demanding for my body to sustain with Fibromyalgia, I’ll switch to belly dance, and keep the beat for SLC African Drum and Dance Corp instead.

And even with all 3 of my best girlfriends moved and gone, I still have my Chosen Family, a beautiful band of artists and weirdos who love to laugh, love fun, love each other, and love me for being loud and lovely and strange and obnoxious when drunk, or sober. Sometimes I look around at my people and think, “How did I get so lucky?” Sometimes I look around and think, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

I get everything I want!

****

Ha! My neighbor just told me I dashed his plans. “We were going to have coffee-colored babies.”

“With cream,” I added.

“Yeah,” he said. “I figured it would take me about a year and a half to get you to fall in love with me.”

“I don’t have that kind of time!”

Guess that’s as close as I get to the begging I was hoping for from my  jerks, er, friends. 😉

Jesus Wants Me For a Skinny Girl

MILO, The Final Chapter

It’s back on the bike for this broad! Saddle up!

May 6th email to insurer:

Subject: Please Cancel My Auto Policy

Hi, it’s Christie. I spoke with Valerie, who asked me to record what happened to my car.

On April 29th, it started acting sluggish on the freeway. I took it to my mechanic to learn that it’s burning oil. They put in 3 quarts and it was fine for a week. It started getting sluggish again May 5th, so a neighbor sent me to AutoZone for a diagnostic. He would look at it in the morning, today. Last night my friend followed me, just in case, and thank goodness! The undercarriage began to glow bright orange, and when I got to a convenience store (VERY CONVENIENT) we learned that it was actually in flames under the hood! We put out the fire and left it overnight.

Who does that happen to?!!! I’m glad I’m not dead, hell of an adventure. I really do have the best stories.

Today, I sold it. Done.

Happy Travels!

Tear-a-Part Auto Recycling
652 S Redwood Rd.
Salt Lake City, UT 84104

***

So the most exciting thing is that I listened to my angels, period. My gut kept telling me to ask my friend for help. She just moved in, barely breathing again with her feet on the ground, bless her. She’s a harried, hurried, newly-single, stressed-out, maxed-out mother of a lively 2-year-old boy.

I kept pushing it down. “I can’t bother her. I’ll be fine.” The neighbor guy reassured me Milo would be fine to get to AutoZone and back. I was nervous. He offered to come with me, but I don’t want to be alone in the car with an albeit helpful, kindly man I don’t know well. “Oh, I can’t bother her. He’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

They were screaming at me! *gut gut gut, pow pow pow* Listen!

My friend hates the “pop-in.” She’s reeling from a rancorous divorce, still in the process of wrapping her brain around such a jolting, scary new reality. She’s rattled. It was very hard for me to ask her to load her son into the car past 9 o’clock! My angels insisted, and somehow gave me the courage. They put my guilt away: It would be okay.

It was. She was happy to help.

I’m so glad my old, old friend is my new, new neighbor! MIRACLES!

These are my posts yesterday and today on ye ol’ Facebook, where I live my life:

5.5.13 “don’t ever dismiss your intuition. that siren in your belly is telling you the truth. listen, and you’re in for a thrilling adventure with a safe, happy conclusion. (sigh!) ignore, and you’ll figure it out eventually… the hard way. thankful for blessings tonight!!! thank you, [tagged friend], for sharing a miracle with me. WOW!”

5.6.13 “quick update: car burst into flames on the freeway last night. sold it for scrap. full refund on newly-paid 6-month insurance premium, so… there’s that, haha! just enjoying the comedy and the carma of it all. i’m tellin’ ya, don’t ignore intuition! thank god i asked my neighbor to help me. thank god she’s one of my oldest friends in salt lake. i wouldn’t have bothered her otherwise. what if i hadn’t asked her to follow me, “just in case”? thanks again, [tagged friend]! holy crap!!!”

***

They weren’t red-flagging the guy – though of course it’s good policy never to ride with someone you don’t know well. They were red-flagging the experience… yet to come.

And then… (!!!) Next, I remembered teasing my car earlier in the day. I even rough-drafted a blog about it that I was going to finish when this most recent issue was resolved. I could never have imagined this outcome!

I’ll post that now, as is, so it appears in order of date of composition: YESTERDAY! BEFORE BEFORE BEFORE!

You knew. Just chill out and take our word for it. We got you. You can feel us us. We are your angels. We are The Auto Club [named in 1993 when I “met” them on a road trip in my first car, The Perky Teal]. We are Source, Universe, God, Whomever, Creator, Heavenly Father, Mother God. We are your ancestors, your family to come. You hear us. It’s real. Relax.

OK!

(thank you thank you thank you!!!)
(i can hardly catch my breath! thank you!)

Right now I feel like my angels are saying, Hello, Dear One. Good job listening.

“Thanks! I feel really good about that.”

… uh… Ahem…

So Milo… About that… It was… *cough*sputter*… uh, “B” for Battery (also Baffoon).

“I paid 65 bucks for a tow? … For a battery?!”

“Yep.”

You might think I’m less angry with Phil less because I’m off the hook and my little Milo is not a lemon. (Rather, his owner is.) But Phil cost me a tow. For a battery! 🙂

B is for Beautiful, Be-hittin’-the-road-this-summer, Beat-that, Bwahahahahahahaha!

Thanks, Big-O!

If Only Bird Shit Were My Only Problem

Leaving for work this morning… Milo won’t start.

I HAVE HAD IT!

It’s official, he’s a lemon. I’ve spent over a thousand dollars in less than 3 weeks! This time, it’s “E” for Electrical (and Expensive), because he wouldn’t auto-lock either (and I just replaced the starter).

I feel like crying. I’ve been without a car for 6 years. I could have saved the multiple thousands of dollars I’ve poured into the purchase and maintenance of this ugly piece of scrap metal and gone to freaking Europe already!

It has been awfully convenient. I’ve been eating healthier because I can make more frequent trips to Whole Foods, which isn’t close. Being lazy, I didn’t always want to bike over.

I took one trip to Idaho to see my grandma, but overall I have to admit… NOT WORTH IT. I could just take the shuttle up north like I have for the last six years, and… what? Go to Europe already!

I’m bitter.

Phil is such a jerk. He helped me pick out the car. And he’s a mechanic! In fact, the car shopping experience was the beginning of the end for us, because he was just such a jerk! He was completely irritated, put-out, and rude. If you don’t want to help, don’t say you will and then act like a victim! He wouldn’t render even the slightest opinion.

“What do you think about this one, honey?”

“I don’t know. It’s your car.”

“Right. I know nothing about cars. I was hoping your expertise could wisely direct me? Whadya think?”

“I don’t know what you want. I can’t make the decision for you.”

“You do know what I want. This price range, 4 doors, something you might trust. Would you get this for yourself? For your mom? That’s what I want.”

“I don’t know! It’s your car!”

Our first fight ensued. The second came a couple weeks later. He’s so wrapped up in himself it doesn’t occur to him to see another’s needs. When I communicated those needs, he simply did not care.

So we broke up. That’s cool. It happens. Today, I asked for his help. I figure it’s been long enough. He’s moved on. I’ll offer to pay him, and get a little savings. (He lost his job while we were dating and the grapevine let me know he’s still not working.) I texted a humorous plea, “… Sincerely, Old Christie 🙂 ” (His new gal is a Christie/y)

Nothing.

OK, that’s fine. (Immature and petty, but fine. And stupid! You need the money, you baby!) I texted again. “If not, no biggie, but please let me know so I can arrange a tow, etc. Thanks much, hope you’re well. Cheers, C”

Nothing.

Just a jerk. I don’t understand people who can’t be civil when a relationship ends. So we weren’t a forever match. So what? I’m always glad for a connection, even a fleeting one. “We really liked each other once. That rocks!” I don’t get stupid people.

(Like anyone, I have exes I hate. Like the grifter. Of course, I’m the idiot who loaned him two-thousand dollars. The serial cheater. Of course, I’m the idiot who took back time and again. The CREEP who didn’t tell me for 8 months that he doesn’t want kids, when I told him on date 3!)

So I have a stupid car I officially regret. In fact… I hate him. Yes, I said it. I hate you, MILO MILO MILO! Pththth!