Well, it happened. I had a meltdown at the new job. I was plugging along just fine, behind and stressed, but fine. I haven’t put too much pressure on myself to be 100% just yet, because I only took over the reins entirely one week ago. But then I woke up with excrutiating back pain. Bad-enough-to-see-a-doctor pain. I don’t do that. “It’ll pass.” Then I ran into a roadblock with a stupid Excel spreadsheet. (“Why the hell are they using Excel for this?”) One or the other I could bear alone, but combined – bam! I lost it. Everyone was so worried and attentive, which only made it worse. (“Just let me go to the supply closet for 2 minutes. Don’t look! Nothing’s happening here!”) I hate getting caught being human.
I feel like my body is falling apart. It’s nearly June and I’ve been in pain ALL YEAR. I’ll tell ya, I don’t know how people with chronic pain conditions function in the day-to-day. It consumes everything! I have a secret fear that I am now one of those people. This crazy auto-immune diagnosis and unremitting pain for six months straight? Please don’t let me be one of those people. It will go away. It will go away…
As for the spreadsheet, it doesn’t work. I’m changing it. And the pain will go away.
Also, I love the people I work with. They’re, like, so nice!