Jesus Wants Me For a Skinny Girl

MILO, The Final Chapter

It’s back on the bike for this broad! Saddle up!

May 6th email to insurer:

Subject: Please Cancel My Auto Policy

Hi, it’s Christie. I spoke with Valerie, who asked me to record what happened to my car.

On April 29th, it started acting sluggish on the freeway. I took it to my mechanic to learn that it’s burning oil. They put in 3 quarts and it was fine for a week. It started getting sluggish again May 5th, so a neighbor sent me to AutoZone for a diagnostic. He would look at it in the morning, today. Last night my friend followed me, just in case, and thank goodness! The undercarriage began to glow bright orange, and when I got to a convenience store (VERY CONVENIENT) we learned that it was actually in flames under the hood! We put out the fire and left it overnight.

Who does that happen to?!!! I’m glad I’m not dead, hell of an adventure. I really do have the best stories.

Today, I sold it. Done.

Happy Travels!

Tear-a-Part Auto Recycling
652 S Redwood Rd.
Salt Lake City, UT 84104

***

So the most exciting thing is that I listened to my angels, period. My gut kept telling me to ask my friend for help. She just moved in, barely breathing again with her feet on the ground, bless her. She’s a harried, hurried, newly-single, stressed-out, maxed-out mother of a lively 2-year-old boy.

I kept pushing it down. “I can’t bother her. I’ll be fine.” The neighbor guy reassured me Milo would be fine to get to AutoZone and back. I was nervous. He offered to come with me, but I don’t want to be alone in the car with an albeit helpful, kindly man I don’t know well. “Oh, I can’t bother her. He’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

They were screaming at me! *gut gut gut, pow pow pow* Listen!

My friend hates the “pop-in.” She’s reeling from a rancorous divorce, still in the process of wrapping her brain around such a jolting, scary new reality. She’s rattled. It was very hard for me to ask her to load her son into the car past 9 o’clock! My angels insisted, and somehow gave me the courage. They put my guilt away: It would be okay.

It was. She was happy to help.

I’m so glad my old, old friend is my new, new neighbor! MIRACLES!

These are my posts yesterday and today on ye ol’ Facebook, where I live my life:

5.5.13 “don’t ever dismiss your intuition. that siren in your belly is telling you the truth. listen, and you’re in for a thrilling adventure with a safe, happy conclusion. (sigh!) ignore, and you’ll figure it out eventually… the hard way. thankful for blessings tonight!!! thank you, [tagged friend], for sharing a miracle with me. WOW!”

5.6.13 “quick update: car burst into flames on the freeway last night. sold it for scrap. full refund on newly-paid 6-month insurance premium, so… there’s that, haha! just enjoying the comedy and the carma of it all. i’m tellin’ ya, don’t ignore intuition! thank god i asked my neighbor to help me. thank god she’s one of my oldest friends in salt lake. i wouldn’t have bothered her otherwise. what if i hadn’t asked her to follow me, “just in case”? thanks again, [tagged friend]! holy crap!!!”

***

They weren’t red-flagging the guy – though of course it’s good policy never to ride with someone you don’t know well. They were red-flagging the experience… yet to come.

And then… (!!!) Next, I remembered teasing my car earlier in the day. I even rough-drafted a blog about it that I was going to finish when this most recent issue was resolved. I could never have imagined this outcome!

I’ll post that now, as is, so it appears in order of date of composition: YESTERDAY! BEFORE BEFORE BEFORE!

You knew. Just chill out and take our word for it. We got you. You can feel us us. We are your angels. We are The Auto Club [named in 1993 when I “met” them on a road trip in my first car, The Perky Teal]. We are Source, Universe, God, Whomever, Creator, Heavenly Father, Mother God. We are your ancestors, your family to come. You hear us. It’s real. Relax.

OK!

(thank you thank you thank you!!!)
(i can hardly catch my breath! thank you!)

Right now I feel like my angels are saying, Hello, Dear One. Good job listening.

“Thanks! I feel really good about that.”

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Manifest 2013

Turn 40! Jump out of an airplane – at last! – on my birthday, April 27th… weeeee!

Go paragliding on my bestie’s 40th – June 18th… weeeee!

you are

Fit and Fabulous and Forty is living AWAKE and all the way. Here’s how I’ll do it:

Eat actual food… Learn a new recipe every month… Play with slowcooker and solar.

Lose this 15 pounds! No reason not to be my high school weight. Healthy, strong, trim. (Binge-eating/food addiction journal?)

Coffee and Diet Pepsi are occasional treats, not daily necessities. Green tea.

I am smoke free. Completely smoke free. Not one cigarette. Bright, clean, pink lungs!

Move to a place with more space, SUN SUN SUN, and cheaper rent (suburbs, gulp).

Surround myself with plants.

Write every day… journal… blog… poetry… vignettes… articles… Write every day.

Master circular breathing… Didge daily… Play with others… Meditate

Pray every morning… Angels said Leaf Pose for me… Pray every morning. For reals.

Choose gratitude every day, even the bad ones. I sit peacefully at the center of my life.

Read A Course In Miracles! A miracle a day for me in two, zero, one, and three!

Study throat chakra blockage and clearing… Heal it… and others… eventually…

Get voice coach… Learn 2 each, upbeat song and ballad… Have them at the ready.

Identify and perfect 2 monologues, comedic and dramatic… At the ready…

Audition for everything… Fail gloriously!… Relish every chance to improve and learn… Have fun! ENJOY the practice! “Thank you for the chance to celebrate my craft!” I love to audition! I love to audition! I’m so good at auditioning! Can’t wait to audition!

Invest in good headshots… ? blerg… hate to spend money… Can’t my bestie just do it?

Get one paying gig… anywhere… anything… Rebuild resume… Network… PERFORM! Love the stage again. Revel in the play and laughter of rehearsal and take it seriously.

Perform with Africa Heartwood Project… traditional chorals/ basic percussion…

Get a drum of my own.

(Re)learn guitar… Progress… My wrist is tight but fine. It will stay fine. Play through it. 

Play the piano. I have such a pretty little [poor neglected] piano.

Travel. Go to a new state. See a new country.

Cruise for the first time, possibly (friend’s June wedding if I’m not in a show)

New York for another wedding (and if so, all of New England!)

At least one old festival and one new festival

$ Oh yeah, money. I’m over it. Poverty is not this life’s sacred! Money. Thank you. $

Continue African Dance… Add Afro-Brazilian (Samba Fogo) and/or Zumba weekly…

Learn poi. 

Add three elements to hooping repertoire… PRACTICE… more fluid and dance-y-like…

Conquer blinding dizziness of  LED hoop… Use it, silly! (smaller diameter than I like)

Get my own fire hoop… ? … At least spin again in someone else’s.

Jog the steps of the Capitol at least once a week.

GET UP GET UP GET UP! I slept the first half. Now it’s fun. Wake up and LIVE!

When you joked, “… epitaph will read, ‘Lovingly gave half her life to sleep,'” you didn’t know you were manifesting the first half, did you? Get up, little wildfire. Don’t be afraid anymore to live out loud. It is what you came here to do. Get up and do it. 

“If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud.” Emile Zola                                                          

me, too… 🙂 

I only just began to understand that I can let go my Screaming Banshee and live out loud. She had a job, to protect me and insist on personal truth. I don’t need protecting anymore. Life isn’t so scary anymore. My truth is finally pleasurable. What a relief!

I freaking love 40. Happy New Year!

(P.S. Totally didn’t mean for my [first] vision board to match my bedroom. Isn’t it pretty?)

manifest!
bed

Christmas Miracle

I turned off the radio as I drove to visit my two little ladies. I said aloud, “Well, angels, now’s a good time to talk. Help me get through to [Jane]. So far, my face has not seemed to comfort her at all. I don’t care that dementia has made her angry. I only care that she does not seem to receive any benefit from my being there… so I leave. Please bring her angels in with me today so maybe she’ll recognize something familiar. I don’t know. Just… help me find a way to bring her peace. And let them both let go easily when they’re ready.”

I sat down with [Joan] first. She’s blind and a little confused, but her personality’s in full force. She’s quick, clever, kinda wicked, and pleased with her own jokes. I adore her. She hasn’t eaten for weeks but she’s still drinking, so she’s not quite active[ly dying]. But she’s slept through my last two visits. I miss her. I held her hand for 15 minutes or so. It’s hard to stick around when her roommate blares the TV. I sent her my thanks and love, and left. 

Then the long walk down the hall. I felt the fear creeping back up in me. “How do I honor [Jane’s] feelings without mirroring them back?” I prayed. “How do I bring joy without invalidating her anger? Walk in with me.” Oh, thank goodness! She was asleep.

I turned on some instrumental Christmas music and sat down, continuing to pray. I sat for about 20 minutes, longer than usual during naps, just enjoying a feeling. At last I decided to go. I quietly gathered my things, then turned back to say good-bye. And there she was. “Oh, hello!” I said, introducing myself again. “Do you remember me?”

She didn’t.

“I was just going to play some music and sit with you. Would that be alright?”

It would.

So I started over. Her garbled noises began. I felt the fear creeping up. (“Stay with me.”) Finally [Jane] enunciated clearly, “Heeeelllp! Help, heeellllllp,” over and over.

“How can I help?”

She indicated a string just out of her reach.

“Would you like the light on?”

She would. *click*
And she quickly changed her mind: “HEEELLLP! HELLLLP!”

“That’s pretty bright. Do you want it off?”

She did.

“We had a Christmas Eve blizzard all day yesterday, [Jane], and the sun came out today for the picture-perfect white Christmas! Did you know that?”

She didn’t.

“It’s gorgeous out there and it’s all the light we need, don’t you think?”

Yes.

“It is so beautiful today. Merry Christmas!”

She pointed to the closet.

“What a pretty sweater! Looks like Santa came last night. You musta been good,” and I’ll be damned if she didn’t burst out laughing! So I did too. [Jane] indicated that she’d like to wear it, but I was scared to move her. That twisted body looks like it hurts. (“Stay with me!”) I pushed her crash pad aside, sat on her bed, and gingerly tugged and lifted and wiggled and pulled until [Jane] at last wore her new Christmas sweater.

“We did it!” I sighed. “It even matches your nails. You look beautiful.”

And then the most amazing thing happened. Her eyebrows raised and she began to tell me in an excited, indecipherable whisper about this girl and that girl, pointing wildly at me.

“Me?” I asked.

“No, me!” she corrected.

“Of course! Tell me more.”

And she did. I kept praying that she wouldn’t feel patronized, knowing I couldn’t understand, when I had the thought, “For god’s sake, Christie, you’re an actress. Mean it!”

So I did. It was fun! This woman told me everything. She was so happy to tell me everything. I held and squoze and shook her hand and heard her everything. It was so wonderful to touch her! I was overwhelmed at the immediacy of their answer/ attendance. I was crying and laughing. I was playing, for heaven’s sake, and I stayed for an hour!

I thanked [Jane] for a wonderful Christmas and left to see Les Miserable with my family, my best friend and her daughter. My bestie whispered as the show began, “I’ve been waiting for this for 20 years!” We both fell in love with Les Miserable in high school: Me, the theatre geek onstage; she, the gifted flautist in the orchestra.

Les Miserable does not disappoint. See it! “To love another person is to see the face of God.” Some timing, huh? Sometimes you just have to believe in magic.

Thank you, angels. You seriously rock. Merry Xmas. Love, Xie