Dating Problems Unrelated To Age

Assholes. Unreasonable demands. People void of self-awareness. Lies.

I guess the only age-related problem here is that I foolishly think I can find and see through red flags better than I could as a young person, so I get duped.

I made-out with an old friend at Building Man. It was both silly and giddy, and meaningful and lovely. He lives in Las Vegas now, but still makes trips to Utah for the big community events. He contacted me on Facebook immediately after the festival to propose a visit to his property. I replied that I wasn’t willing to pay for Vegas. He offered to pay. I was uncomfortable with that, so we discussed meeting precisely in the middle for Cedar City’s Tony Award winning Utah Shakespeare Festival! I was so excited!

I told him upfront that I’m seeing other people. He appreciated my honesty.

He needed a place to stay this weekend to coordinate his 25th Earth Jam (moved to June due to frequent April rain). With Jax’s permission, I offered my couch.

We had a great first day together. Spent the whole afternoon at a volunteer/ artist picnic. I was glad to be involved so intimately with an event, at last, and to finally be useful without getting in the way. I have significant anxiety about not being self-directed at these things, so I find myself not contributing beyond hugging (spanking) people at various greeter stations. (I was born to say hello!)

The next day I worked, and he borrowed my car. (His is broken down in my driveway!) He mentioned getting coffee with a friend after running various errands. When he picked me up at the end of the day, he was visibly shaken. I was happy to lend a listening ear. Until I got the information.

He had been engaged to the girl he met for coffee as recently as FEBRUARY, and ghosted her completely when he left for Vegas. Never spoke to her again. She moved on, and met him Monday to show him her engagement ring. So much did he consider this woman his fiance that he thought she’d bought her own ring for their engagement! He was “blindsided” to learn she was marrying someone else.

We were shopping for groceries by now, and I focused on the task at hand while he droned on and on about the betrayal! He even feigned guilt for lying to me!

“I mean, I guess I shouldn’t be sharing this with you,” he confessed. “I didn’t even tell you about her.” (He also complained that I wasn’t there to entertain him Saturday night, when my prior plans were communicated before he agreed to stay with us!)

He’d thanked me before, for being forthcoming, and withheld the truth himself. Caught in it now, he didn’t even apologize but demanded a sympathetic friend!

I walked ahead and ignored him. He excused himself again and again.

“Sorry, this is gonna take me a minute.” (Hours.)

I went to my room when we got home. He kept knocking on my door to talk about his problems! I told him I needed alone time. He complained that, as a guest, he didn’t have any.Β (You do. No one else is in the living room to interrupt your privacy, yet you invade my space to rob me of mine.)

Then the girl shows up at my house! HE HID IN THE BATHROOM. She asked if she could come into my room, where she sat down and started to cry! I helped her exit my sanctuary and got her a glass of water, when he swooped in to take her outside.

He returned blaming her “issues” on “female problems.”


Do you think you can fool me now?!

I asked if he was moving on to his collaborator’s home the next day, as planned. “Oh,” he stammered. “I haven’t been able to get ahold of her yet. Can I stay another night?”

“What are your plans after that?”

“Well, I went to my storage unit today. My trailer has a flat. And I still haven’t fixed my Jeep.” (Haven’t tried, you mean to say.)

“So you’re renting that U-Haul, then,” I replied.

He confessed he was hoping his partner would loan him her truck, and then he’d see about fixing his tire.

“But you haven’t contacted her yet. What are your plans?”

He promised to figure something out and leave today.

I forced him to leave this morning with me. I dropped him at Trax and took my key. “I’ll call you when I get off work. You can meet me to get the rest of your stuff.”

I’m disgusted.


6 thoughts on “Dating Problems Unrelated To Age

  1. I’m so glad that the guy is just a mooch and not a rapist, sociopath, or run-of-the-mill serial killer. Being nice is one thing. Allowing yourself to be so naive and trusting? Unreal. I know thatI am slow to trust, but you seem to be too trustful.

    • I know! I feel really stupid, but unthreatened. It’s embarrassing more than anything else. Well, no. It’s more irritating than anything, but I’m plenty embarrassed. πŸ™ƒ

      • You have a sweet heart and I’m a bit cynical. I’m glad you were only embarrassed and irritated! He’s such a user!

      • This guy sounded a lot like my first husband, πŸ’© so I have been their, done that. I was incredibly naive and trusting when I met him. A lot of that has changed.

      • TOTAL USER. And delusional. He says he avoids drama, but seems to at the center of a lot. And all he does is complain! Furthermore, I find sexism inexcusable in my contemporaries. (I give a lot of wiggle room to my cadre of old men, though I do give them a mouthful. 😁) (Not my buddy Marko. Everyone’s always been equal to him.) My house guest demonstrated more misogyny than denigrating his fiancΓ©’s “female problems.” He said offensive things about the women he does this festival with, the women he’s dated, his mother. He just lacks any self-awareness. I’m GLAD TO KNOW before taking an expensive and miserable trip to an event I want to do right! There’s my silver lining. πŸ˜€

  2. Luckily, the other old friend I’ve been kissing on is a nice, slooooow burn, who doesn’t come into my bedroom when I ask for alone time and demand my total attention. This fellow and I couldn’t watch a movie. Sitting by his side seems to grant him tacit permission to talk about himself THE WHOLE TIME! He talked to me while I was reading! Who does that?! (First, he followed me outside.) Gross. Too trusting = agreed. I must apply critical review, every time, rather than allow my optimistic world view to assume decency and friendship everywhere I go. It’s not hard. Just apply rigorous checks and balances to everyone I permit in my life and my home. Let them tell me if they’re decent people that I can get along with. Silly me! πŸ˜‰

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