I’ve decided to call this month-and-a-half-long aberration what it must surely be, a Depression. I didn’t recognize it as such, because it didn’t progress into anything. I’m just dissatisfied and irritable. At last, I missed the enthusiasm that once so characterized me.
Depressions used to terrify me. Each time, I really believed that – this time – it would never end. Now, I just acknowledge it (“Oh, you”) and check out for a couple of days (I’m going to bed”). Ordinarily, Depression saps all of my strength. If I were to stay awake, I’d be sobbing anyway so… I’ll see you in a few days. I let myself have a good cry but the tears of the damned are not healing, so I sleep through them.
This time, I’ve been bored (I’m never bored!) and AGRO. And unable to escape to my dreams. Horrible. I’ve had to live with this awful person for months! I can’t cry. I feel nothing. Well, I do. I feel over it. I feel superior. I feel inferior. I feel numb. I feel stupid.
Keeping busy is easy. I’m always puttering around on something. Unfortunately, I ruined 2 art projects. They turned out fine, but I put so much hate into both pieces I can’t see them now as anything but ugly. I’m going to use/share them anyway. Hopefully, over time I’ll see their beauty again, and not hear the running abuse that accompanied their creation.
Man, I’m mean! I’m distant and difficult with others when I don’t feel well, but I make Christie pay! *sigh*
I’ve tried to write about it several times, hoping I could snap out of it. You know, Depression. Losing interest in things you once loved. Well, I love to write about myself, and when I hate me, I can really crucify this self-serving blog.
Today, I made something that actually lifted me up. What a relief! I’m EXCITED. I missed my gusto! I’ll post again when the drum is finished. 🙂