I love conquering fears!
I avoided Bikram for years, because I’m afraid of heat. Silly, it seems, since I conquered the fear of the sweat lodge 5 years ago. You’d think I’d know I can handle it. But I’ve never had to exert myself there. In sweat lodge – and even at Burning Man – all you have to do is sit and focus on being okay with discomfort until it passes.
10 days ago, my friend Amber bought me a 10-day introductory pass to Bikram Sugarhouse here in Salt Lake. Like a total slacker, I wasted it until the last 2 days – but I did return and that’s a victory in itself.
If my first session had been like the second, I wouldn’t have gone back. Yesterday, I fainted the whole time and ended up accepting that apparently I just needed a detox that day. I was able to lie down before going lights out, but it was in my ears and teeth. Perhaps you don’t have a relationship with fainting, as I do, but that’s as bad as it gets without losing consciousness. For the next 45 minutes I couldn’t sit without fainting again! I decided to get over the humiliation and enjoy the cleanse. Finally, I sat up through the last half of class and tried to join pranayama at the end, but there was to be no heavy breathing for me! I was shaky on my feet and dizzy afterwards but I made it through my shower, got some food, and walked out the door for drum class.
Today was another exercise in conquering fear, and I did! I went back. I got faint even earlier than I had yesterday. I just about sat down, but I’m used to concentrating through that first threat of tunnel vision. I still feared that today might be a repeat of yesterday, or worse, but I stuck with it. I carefully measured my breathing and I beat it!
I was better hydrated and nourished today, but I was scared. And I did it!
My body feels really good; My heart feels even better. I’m so lucky. Amber’s a new friend. I invited her to a free lecture and she bought me Bikram. I’m just so blessed. Yay!