Open Prayer for an Open Mind

As for the low profile, oh alright, I’d already met someone before Adonis called but I didn’t mention it because, well, I’m embarrassing, addicted to love and loving and longing and god knows what it is. It isn’t really love I’m after, it doesn’t seem, with this 25-year string of stops and starts and fits and giggles.

It’s two-fold, I imagine: I really do like dating. And I’m always running. So there’s that.

This gentleman and I met a week after I moved out of my ex-boyfriend’s place. He thought I was cute and he’s handsome as hell, so Yes! I say to life. I call him a gentleman, because he is. He’s nice to me. He’s very respectful, but also super fun to talk to, interesting, hard-working, fit fit fit, go go go, loves his kids.

Ah yes, kids. Doesn’t want more. Story of my life. But hope springs eternal in my childless world. I suspect that deep down I’ve always hoped/thought I could force whichever him I was on into my narrow definition of a happy outcome, with our baby, our family, cuddly and warm and skipping into bliss, at last. Well, he can’t give me that – snip, snip – so I was going to politely cut ties – snip, snip – when I had the thought to open my mind, for heaven’s sake. I keep thinking if only these guys who think they don’t want one more kid would open their minds, I could have everything I want. It’s not for me to tell anyone what to do! Open your own mind, darling little hypocrite!

So I shall. And I’m going to see The Gentleman again, in spite of how excited I am to finally go out with Adonis tomorrow. I’m just throwing it out to the universe that my heart is open. Jane Seymour promises me every Christmas with her jewelery collection that if I do that, love will always find its way in.

Dear Source,
Whatever love looks like, I accept.
(Oh. That scared me a little.)
Please now help me understand that final piece that keeps me running away, so I can put it safely in place and sit still, at last, in quiet and bliss.
Thank you!

Adonis and I have been on the phone every day since reconnecting and I’m genuinely excited to be his friend. I think there’s no question he’s a keeper in one way or another. We’ve both said so. We’re looking forward to our friendship, and whatever.

And he flirts as much or more than I do, so that’s fun.


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