Work Breakdown

Well, it happened. I had a meltdown at the new job. I was plugging along just fine, behind and stressed, but fine. I haven’t put too much pressure on myself to be 100% just yet, because I only took over the reins entirely one week ago. But then I woke up with excrutiating back pain. Bad-enough-to-see-a-doctor pain. I don’t do that. “It’ll pass.” Then I ran into a roadblock with a stupid Excel spreadsheet. (“Why the hell are they using Excel for this?”) One or the other I could bear alone, but combined – bam! I lost it. Everyone was so worried and attentive, which only made it worse. (“Just let me go to the supply closet for 2 minutes. Don’t look! Nothing’s happening here!”) I hate getting caught being human.

I feel like my body is falling apart. It’s nearly June and I’ve been in pain ALL YEAR. I’ll tell ya, I don’t know how people with chronic pain conditions function in the day-to-day. It consumes everything! I have a secret fear that I am now one of those people. This crazy auto-immune diagnosis and unremitting pain for six months straight? Please don’t let me be one of those people. It will go away. It will go away…

As for the spreadsheet, it doesn’t work. I’m changing it. And the pain will go away.

Also, I love the people I work with. They’re, like, so nice!


4 thoughts on “Work Breakdown

  1. I understand at least some of what you’re going through. I had an autoimmune disease for five years. The doctor said it was incurable and I would never be without pain medication and immune suppressors. She was wrong. I’m on no meds and I’ve been in complete remission for almost exactly 5 years. Hang in there. For now, pace yourself, rest lots, use the pain medications if you need them. Be compassionate with yourself.

    • Thank you! In many ways, the diagnosis was not a surprise. In fact, I was relieved that I wasn’t just “being a baby” and complaining all the time. I’m freezing, I’m tired, and I hurt! Since I was a teenager. I think what precipitated the diagnosis is, simply, my age. The symptoms are louder. Ah well, I’m louder still. 🙂 I’m happy for you, and hopeful. Thank you for the encouragement. Cheers! crh

  2. HI! Thanks for the note on my blog, glad to see that you have one, too! Sorry I didn’t know that sooner. 🙂 Sorry about your pains! I would highly recommend going to see my favorite Salt Lake doctor, Mark Dudley (Dudley Chiropractic). He’s at the building on the NE side of 700 E. State Street. He’s more than just a chiropractor; more holistic general well being. You should go talk to him about your pains. He’s the main reason my back was doing so much better there than it is here. Good luck!

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